Let’s go, China!

My job did a recycling promotion last week. "Bring old documents and toss them in the recycle bins and let’s save our planet," they said, "Each person who recycles documents will receive our new, branded water bottle!" We all lined up as expected (show me the incentive, right?), made our contribution and got our water bottles. Success! 

But guess where the water bottles came from? Good ol' China. While we were promoting and working hard to make ourselves feel like we were cooling the fevered brow of planet earth, we were directly supporting a nation who is the #1 polluter in the world. Fail!

The joke is on us, I guess. Or as one of my previous bosses used to say, "That ain't funny, but it's funny."

Success and Failure

What is success? What is failure? I've often heard aged souls say, "Same thing that makes you laugh can make you cry." Does that mean success and failure could be the same thing? Definitely. About two years ago I remember hearing a man who had lived a lot of life preach, "You can chase the wrong things all your life ang get them, but still fail. But you can chase the right things in life and never get them, but still be a success." Selah.

Recently, I watched a Steve Harvey interview. He is an impressively funny and successful man. During the interview he remarked how he does not believe it is possible to be successful and sleep eight hours a night. But he also shared the struggles he has been through and faces even now.

He suffers from a couple challenging health conditions, he's been divorced a couple times, he has trouble sleeping at night, and recently was very unhappy in life because he was still chasing success and failing in those ventures. Is that what he means when he says “be successful”? If that's the price to pay, I'd rather catch a few more Zs. 

Please don't misunderstand. I'm not disguising jealousy with passive-aggressive virtue signaling. His willingness to be this honest and transparent is admirable. I'm just trying to go deeper than the mere entertainment value of a Steve Harvey meme.

So, this was on my mind already when I saw Giannis Antetokounmpo go hard in the paint on a reporter. He hit a clean euro-step on him, got behind him and windmill dunked on him. And because Giannis has no animosity in him, he kindly reached down and helped the poor guy up off the floor. Ok, that didn't actually happen. But I am talking about the post-game interview. Giannis team, the Milwaukie Bucs, lost and were eliminated from the playoffs. Failure. But my man G wasn't having any of it. Clearly to him, life is much more than a group of grown men playing a game. Go watch it yourself.

What was equally refreshing about Giannis response was he didn't even cuss. He was emotional and irritated with the question, but he maintained his composure and respect for the reporter. He even remembered that same guy asked him the same question last year. Good memory. Better emotional IQ. Even better answer. Success.

Now let's be real. I don't think I would be too disappointed if I lost a game and still made $200 million, either. But is success defined by the weight of our paychecks? If so, I guess Elon Musk is not successful anymore. He was recently dethroned from the World's Riches Man title. Clearly, something is wrong with using money to define rich and successful.

Expectations

Built into success and failure is the reality of expectations. Expectations can lift you up and they can knock you down. But this begs the question: who sets expectations? Who says this is the goal we should aim for? Who says this is the metric for failure or success? Who are we allowing to set our expectations?

Set your own expectations. Set the right expectations. If others try to set them for you, assess them and understand what you are agreeing to before committing. In other words, only commit to appropriate expectations.

The only things you can control are your commitment and your effort and thus your expectations. You cannot control your friends. You cannot control your neighbor. You cannot control traffic. You cannot control the price of rice in China. You cannot control global temperatures. The only control you have might just be self-control. Perhaps that's why life seems so out of control…

• Is successful parenting being able to buy your child $300 worth of birthday presents?

• Is a successful Thanksgiving buying a 96-inch TV for 80% off?

• Is a successful Christmas having 37 gifts under the tree?

• Is a successful relationship when the other person surprises you by gifting you a brand-new Lexus for your birthday?

• Is a successful career working 75 hours a week and becoming a VP of your company?

• Is success your next video going viral?

How bad does it bother you if none of those things happen? Only failed expectations bother us.

How often do we allow our expectations to be set by a group of people whose chief goal is to separate us from our money? They are meeting their sales goals and you and I are allowing them to define what OUR success looks like. They got their money and we got played. They do not have a vested interest in the quality of the atmosphere of our homes and mental health. Let’s go, China?!

It's not personal, it's business. So, I'm not buying what they're selling anymore. I will not be lured in by colorful gamification and persuasive commercialization. The only thing I’m buying are tickets to hear the fat lady sing. Because it’s over.

Should we allow anxiety to rob us of sleep because we don’t have enough money to afford a $50k car? Or to take our kids on a Disney Cruise? Or to buy the new iPhone 15? Or to keep up with the latest fashion? Or to go where all the cool kids are? Is that what we actually want, or have we simply allowed marketing to set our expectations? We're miserable pursuing those things, and miserable when we get them. Because then we finally take a deep breath and suddenly realize we don't like what we have. Or who we are. Fail.

Set your own expectations. Walk away if you have to. You don't have to worry about falling behind "the Joneses". Just stop following them altogether. Success!

TL,DR

In a world that increasingly tries to redefine objective truth, science and time-tested principles, why not redefine something vastly more subjective like success and failure? Not the dictionary term, but what it is and what it looks like in your own life. Is that the kind of success you really want?

Don't give someone else that power over you. It is your life. You need to make that decision, and regularly revisit it.