The Illusion of Control

There’s a fine line between responsibility and control. And many people don’t know they’ve crossed it until it’s too late.

Some people think of control as a strength. They pursue it almost unconsciously. Others—like me—have never really struggled with it. I’ve often been the “whatever happens, happens” type. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned to appreciate the discipline, order, and forward-thinking that “Type A” people bring to the table. They’ve always seemed to have a prominent place in my life. I’ve grown because of them.

But I’ve also seen the flip side: control is a silent burden for many. People can be so driven to manage every detail, they’re crushed by anxiety when things don’t go according to plan. No doubt you've seen stress, panic, and even relational damage caused by the quiet lie that says, “If I don’t control this, it will fall apart. I will fall apart.”

This is the illusion of control.

While it promises safety, it often delivers exhaustion.

Not All Control Is Bad

Let’s get this straight: control has its place.

Life works better when people uphold their responsibilities. That means being intentional, planning ahead, taking responsibility for what we can influence. There’s nothing wrong with order, diligence and prudence.

But there’s a difference between doing your part and attempting to do what you think should be God's part (if he would just listen!).

You’ve crossed the line when:

You can’t rest until every variable is secured. You become irritable or anxious when things don’t go exactly your way. You begin to believe that your planning and preparation guarantee the outcome.

David Meltzer has been known to say, “Don’t be married to an expected outcome.” Control becomes an idol when you are tied to a specific result. And it can become a prison when you are constantly rehearsing the worst-case scenario.

Where It Comes From

For some, this is just a personality trait—an orientation toward structure and precision. That’s not a bad thing. Lord knows I need these people in my life.

But for many others, control is rooted in something deeper. Something painful.

Often, it’s trauma—an experience where they felt like they had no control and were deeply hurt. That moment taught them a lesson: “Don’t let that happen again.” So they start managing, planning, and micromanaging. Not because they’re power-hungry, but because they’re trying to protect themselves from the pain of uncertainty.

Or maybe it was failure. Something went wrong, and it hurt. So now they rehearse every scenario in their mind, trying to out-plan disappointment.

Sometimes it’s insecurity—trust issues, self-doubt, anxiety that doesn’t have a name but lives in the nervous system, always agitating. It could be as simple as just mismanaging the wonderful way God made you.

Whatever the source, the result is the same: a belief that if I don’t hold this together, it’s going to fall apart.

But here’s the truth: that belief will wear you out. Life will always involve elements outside your control.

What God Offers Instead

God is the healer of our trauma. He saw what happened and stayed with us when we were powerless. He’s the loving Father who teaches us to trust again. And He’s also the most important partner in your planning. He knows what’s ahead. He’s preparing you, even for the things you can’t see.

God never told us to control everything. He told us to trust Him.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

That’s not a call to recklessness. It’s a call to trust beyond what you can reasonably control. God doesn’t want you to stop working hard, stop planning, or stop preparing. But He does want you to stop stretching for responsibilities that aren't yours.

What If You Let Go?

Let me ask you:

What is it you’re trying to manage, fix, or predict right now? Is it giving you peace? Or is it draining your soul? What would it feel like to breathe, to pray, and to say, “God, I'm going to trust you with that”?

Letting go is not weakness—it’s wisdom. Letting go doesn’t mean apathy—it means faith in Someone bigger.

It means doing your part with diligence and then refusing to obsess about the rest.

It’s like what Jordan Peterson says about telling the truth: when you tell the truth, you let go of your claim on the consequences. That’s when life becomes an adventure. But when you lie—when you try to twist or manage the outcomes—you create a fragile reality that eventually breaks.

The same is true with control. The longer you pretend you can control everything, the more damage you do to yourself and those around you.

Control isn't the gateway to peace, nor is it the citadel. Cooperation is.

Stand on Your Business

• Know where your responsibility ends.

• Refuse to carry what isn’t yours.

• Trust the God who sees more than you do.

• Release the illusion of control.

• Decide to live with peace, and stand boldly in the space you were actually designed to occupy.

God’s already ahead of you. You don’t have to control everything—you just have to trust He does. Have confidence in His competence, and then build yours.