Deion Sanders tells the story of how no one from his family would show up to his games when he was growing up. His father was a drug addict, his stepdad a functioning alcoholic, and his mom worked two jobs. The result was he would never have anyone from his family in the stands cheering him on.
Sure, there were plenty of fans and teammates who were friends and loved him as a teammate, friend and young man. Unfortunately, his parents or siblings were not present to motivate him or to congratulate him for his performance. He says that in response to this, he just learned to play hard and excel for himself. He understood that teams come and go, and fans come and go, but family would always be there. Except his was not… for many reasons: some valid and others not.
So, he balled out for himself.
He did not allow other people’s inability to show up for him to discourage him from showing up for himself. This is also where he developed his “I believe” philosophy.
He believed he was worth his very own best effort. In doing so, he also began to see how that made others better.
This is uncommon perspective. It is far more common for people to be motivated out of service to others than for yourself. After all, we teach this: do not be selfish and egocentric. However, this may contribute to the unintended consequence of many of us not doing for ourselves what we know we should do.
My wife recently told me a quote she saw. Paraphrasing, it was how we all claim to be willing to die for our family (spouse, children, parents, siblings). We’d take a bullet for them. But will you live for them? Making a one-time decision of reckless courage and self-sacrifice is one thing (and admirable), but choosing to show up in responsible, committed, sacrificial ways day after day is another story.
Even then, we would do it for them. Heck, we do it for them!
The world is run by people who are burning the candle at both ends to care for a wife and children, or to take care of their family.
We work 60 hour weeks, sleep the bare minimum, skip meals, delay and deny luxuries and leisure because someone else needs us to use our time and effort to secure their wellbeing.
I am not criticizing that, but how many people would exert that same sacrifice and effort just for themselves?
Many don’t because, after all the excuses and false-humility, they don’t think they are worth it. They do not believe the man in the mirror is worth showing up for.
Why?
What has happened in life to make you think you are not worth your own very best effort?
What beliefs have you adopted to make you think that prioritizing your own health and well being is not necessary?
Who told you or made you believe that you are worth less than the care and attention you desire?
Could it be that you were taught to always put others first, and any time for yourself was selfish, weak or silly?
Could it be that an absent or disconnected parent made you feel this way, and now it is hardwired into your nervous system?
That complicated philosophy and opinion of yourself needs to be dismantled.
If God himself says you are worth His time, care and attention, why should you believe otherwise?
We may not come out and say we are worthless or not worth the effort to be well, but as John Delony says, behavior is a language.
Eat a healthy diet vs junk food? It’s not worth the effort.
Sedentary lifestyle vs physical exercise? Not worth the effort.
Mindless scrolling and entertainment vs reading a book? Not worth the effort.
Passively approach each day and whatever happens vs initiative and ambition? Not worth the effort.
Go to church or stay home and organize the garage? Not worth it.
The ideas sound good, but your body is unable or unwilling to summon the energy to commit to such draining activities.
Just who and what is not worth the effort? It is you. Your behavior is revealing a belief deep inside your body and nervous system that you are not worth it.
If we could somehow believe that doing so would benefit a loved one, we would do it or at least make a sincere effort to do so.
But if it is for me… that’s selfish, right? No, it is not.
I once heard a quote, “If I am not for me, who will be.” It is not wrong to make the best effort to be well and live well.
Show Up For Yourself
Several years ago, the local high school I mentored in asked me to speak to a group of about 50 students who were at risk of failing their grade due to absences. It should have been more, but they weren’t at school that day (ironically).
My message to them was: you are worth showing up for. Many of them had parents and family who abandoned them or consistently failed to show up for them. Many of them faced hunger and economic hardship. I challenged them to not allow those people’s failures to define their own self-worth.
You have to show up for you.
Your effort is the best chance you have to change your life and live a different life than you’ve lived thus far.
Like Deion, I told them, you gotta believe.
When people suggest you take the easy option, skip class, lie or fail to fulfill an obligation, they are enticing you to conform yourself to that low-value standard. When someone fails to show up for you or treat you with respect, do not conform your character and self-image to that lie.
You are worth it. Do not accept or tolerate that behavior or treatment, and do not excuse it in yourself.
Look in the mirror and be the biggest advocate and friend to the person looking back at you. They are depending on you. You are depending on you.
So be kind to yourself, your future self will thank you.
And so will everyone else. Because when you are at your best, you lift others around you.
