Word to Your (My) Mother

Stranger Things

Sometime during my teen years, I became aware of something strange happening in my house. Upon discovering I was hungry I would go to the kitchen and forage for something tasty. That's normal. For the average American teenager this happens about once every half hour. No wonder families across America are freaking about inflation! Prices have skyrocketed. It seems like their increase was proportionate to the average adolescent appetite. Maybe they should create a special inflation index for families suffering from that AAA metric. But I digress.

What was happening in my home? Encountering me or one of my brothers ransacking the refrigerator was not out of the ordinary. It was more normal than a lion's pride devouring the decaying carcass of a slain wildebeest in the Sahara. But these packs of half-eaten pop tarts were extremely alarming.

Who was doing this? When were they doing this? Why were they eating HALF? Almost equally disturbing: how is it even POSSIBLE to eat LESS THAN all of it?

The questions produced in me such an anger that I nearly would lose my appetite. But in a fierce, instinctual response to this threat, I quickly regained my composure and consumed the rest of the contents. Because, after all, if I left it there, it would go stale and become unfit for consumption. The only thing worse than a half-eaten Pop-Tart is a stale, half-eaten Pop-Tart. My emotional IQ was as equally impressive as it was heroic. At least for a teenager.

One day I commended myself during conversation with my mom. I'm sure it sounded more like complaining to her, but I truly was confessing my selfless act of bravery. "I didn’t want to eat Pop-Tarts at 2PM on a Saturday, but because someone keeps eating just one Pop-Tart, I have to eat the other. Or worse, they eat half of one. Which, I'll have you know is 25%."

I waited for her praise: "Wow… a problem-solver, warrior AND math-wizard. I'm so proud of you, son!"

Instead, she replied, "Oh, that's me. You know how sometimes you just want a bite of something? I just take a bite."

Unbelievable.

I was certain what she just said was un-American. Definitely unethical. Possibly even sin. I was dumbfounded. And that dumbfound-ment lasted nearly two decades.

I lived by the old Pringles motto, “Once you pop, you can't stop.” Feed me according to volume, not quality. I don't know what that was, or why it's good, but it was good. So, give me more. Serving size and arbitrary self-denial? Lord, let that cup pass from me.

Buyer Beware

Don't allow a for-profit, marketing-savvy company to dictate what your serving size is. Often, those recommended amounts are not about health. They’re for driving profit margin and/or to make the food appear healthier than it really is. Don’t buy what they are selling you.

Me: How much sugar is in this little box Junior Mints?

Nutritional box: 26 grams

Me: That's not terrible… oh wait…there are 3 servings in here. And I just ate all three in 132 seconds.

TL/DR

There is great wisdom in self-denial. Self-denial is connected to self-awareness. It may seem miserable, counter-intuitive and downright insane, but it actually has the effect of preserving pleasure. So, practice portion control, which is self-control. This is autonomy on a simple, basic level. And you need this in every area of your life.

Thanks, Mom.